Piranha

James (Schaffrillas)3.0

More insane than I expected, less insane than I wanted

Matt!3.5

Joe Dante calling Jaws a pussy and massacring a shit ton of innocent children is exactly the right way to distract from also making a nearly 1:1 copycat movie. Roger Corman-produced and solidly self-aware, Piranha is more than your average Kirkland Signature brand rip-off of a big name blockbuster. It sets itself apart in that there’s no mysterious force of nature potentially lurking anywhere at any time—no, these nibbling little bastards are instead the mutated result of a secret military project and all they want to do is furiously chew through little floaties and tiny bikinis as they beeline it towards open ocean. Sadly, we don’t really see much of the killer fish themselves; rather, the kills come mostly in the form of frantic underwater quick-cuts and bloody geysers where bodies used to be. But that’s ok, because the folks being eaten might actually be the best thing about this movie, with a cast of campy caricatures ranging from drunk fishermen to high-strung reporters to overzealous camp counselors to nonchalant cops to gaslighting government agents to kids who are more sensible than all the adults combined. The plot progression is, without a doubt, just “Jaws on a river”, but it’s so obvious right from the opening scene that you eventually have to just accept it and stop noticing. It’s fun, straightforward, darkly humorous and serious at the same time, excessively tasteless, and surprisingly has a Spielberg stamp of approval. Chomp chomp, kiddies!Best of: Creature Features

Ian West4.0

Piranha is one enjoyable flesh chewing fish jam and I love how Joe Dante was able to effortlessly fit in a curious little Harryhausen-esque lab creature who only appears in one scene and yet it’s totally believable (and also adorable)Dante’s sense of humor shines even early on in his career, mixing a constantly drinking boozed up lead, rafts, speedboats, that cool sound the piranhas make, children getting chewed up, Barbara Steele, bloody Paul Bartel, Dick Miller, a person reading a copy of Moby Dick, John Sayles, excellent pacing, and Kevin McCarthy going classic batshit crazy when we first meet him. Not too shabby for a no budget, super fun, subtly dark, jaws capitalizin’ Corman jam about DEADLY FLESH MUNCHING PIRANHA.