THE QUEST FOR TRUTH is often clouded by uncertainty and doubt. When the members of one's local Liars Club prove subpar fabulists ("Gentlemen, this is pathetic . . . We won't even be contenders against the Philadelphia chapter."), turn to Charley Bowers for a fantastic tale of horticultural innovation. A simple graft and behold: egg plant (as in hard-boiled with salt shaker at the ready; consider this vegan intrigued), instant headgear, and even (guess I should've gotten to this one a couple days ago, huh?). And that's all before our nerdy hero stumbles across a pair of gams, attached to a pretty, mice-plagued blonde:"For a kiss from her, I would have grafted anything she wanted . . . "Did I mention these rodents are some tough motherfuckers? Part of me wants to spend five minutes in Bowers's brain, but I doubt I'd survive it. Available here.
